Two fellows walk from the bar towards the front door. The 50ish one appears to be holding up the 60ish one. They stumble by me. I wonder what would happen if they stumble into the chair next to me and spill my very full tote bag. They don’t, but sure enough just as they pass me they both take a tumble away from me, in the slow motion falling over that drunk people do, knocking over two chairs and landing on top of one another in the middle of the dining room. Fortunately the dining room is mostly empty.
The boss (we’ll call him Jim) appears at the door to the kitchen: “Oh my God.”
Jim, the cook, and my waitress stare.
Jim: (in a well practiced callout) “SuSIE!”
Susie, who was obviously hired due to her ability to lift 6-foot-tall drunk guys, comes over with the TV remote in her hand. She is also of an age but is wearing a tank top and short shorts. “What the… (looks at me) they only had one drink!”
Susie and the cook get them off the ground. The 2 of them stumble out the door.
Jim: “They’re not driving right?
Susie: “No, they’re walking. “
Jim: “I think they’re getting in a car.”
Susie: “Dammit he lied to me! “
Jim and the cook and the waitress are still staring out the windows.
Jim: “OH no… ” (as if watching someone throw up in the parking lot)
Susie (coming back from putting down the remote): “did they get in a car?”
Jim: “no, they’re walking down the street”
Susie goes to the window. “Oh no. Oh no. Turn off the OPEN sign.” She walks outside then comes back inside. “I’m going to drive them”
At this point I leave, because I can’t take it any more. Luckily I don’t have far to walk. Drunk 1 and 2 are no where to be seen. As I turn the corner Susie comes out with her keys.
Should I go back tomorrow to find out what happened?? Their salmon was not bad.
Incriminating photo supplied upon request
The restaurant reviews for this place are on brand too (yes these are real and if I’d read them before going in, well, I wouldn’t have had to write this post):
“If you’ve ever seen “Shaun of the Dead”, you’ll understand me when I say- it’s what I think of when I picture our local version of the Winchester.
You get all walks of life and no pomp and circus. The drinks are stiff- the food is reliably the same every time. If you want to socialize, people will talk to you. If you want to be left alone, people will leave you to it!
If you’ve had a rough go and you need to take that out on the bartender by telling him his eggs aren’t to your par that day- you might hear some choice words back.
Usually sports are playing on tv but music is too and it’s a great place too. If you’re a bit introverted and like the idea of being around other people but without the pressure that comes along with that- this is your place too!
I really love their chicken fried steaks!! Biggest around. They will cook a true sunny side up egg though- so if you aren’t into a bit of goo, then make sure to order over easy instead.
My husband loves the fried gizzards, but I let him eat them on his own!!
Portions are big all around. Service is extended family style- which I think works to their credit. Do you at the {name of restaurant redacted}.”
Another gem of a review:
I see you on the {name of town redacted} ferry sitting all alone. Maybe your car broke down on the west side, maybe you just lost your job, maybe your luck has dried up and peeled like sun burned skin. Heading east back to the mainland where your best laid plans die, where your parents live, where you thought you’d be done. Look at you, a fetal heap in a seating booth made for a family of eight staring out at grey water with no horizon. This must be your lucky day friend, just stumble off the boat and head over to {redacted}. It’s the Cheers of {redacted} and they know your name. They got everything a schlub like you could ever want. (Any resemblance to Kelsey Grammar is purely coincidental)
Review #3
“Good bear {sic} selection and affordable drinks. Was there for a high school reunion. Got the steak bites and tater tots. The steak bites were a hit! Yum! Not a lot of ambiance but it’s a typical bar, pub with games and TV’s.”
WearyTravelers.net 