1. It started the day after Pretti’s murder (1/24/26). Old men of LA, hopped up on too much tiktok, foxnews, r/conservative, we see your bad attitude. We see your primate dominance displays. I saw you pound on the table and yell when you didn’t get your $2 – yes $2 – discount. I saw what you wrote to her, cause you were deaf, communicating on paper – you wrote to that latina cashier that she was too stupid to figure it out, after she in fact did figure out your problem. I heard you angrily say “now don’t mess it up again” when you were the one who came in with no box and no receipt and a tool you broke yourself. I saw you cut the line, then the dirty looks after I called you out in front of everyone. I saw your supercilious sneer when I later apologized – for holding you accountable. So now I’m gonna put on my bodycam and goggles. Come at me. This could be the week I get fired.
Those of us in customer facing roles take the temperature of the city every day. Y’all are so easy to read. But the levels of anger and hate now are higher than I’ve ever seen. Even higher than the days after Thanksgiving which are by far the unhappiest days of the year. Someone removed the pipe. (And to be honest I don’t know if these are pro ICE people or anti ICE people!)
2. My customer said he was sad today. It’s good to just sit with it, I said. Then he noticed my camo jeans. “Did you pick those to wear on purpose today?” Yes.
“Well I got these 3 packs of underwear – maybe this is too much information – and in each pack was one camo underwear! I only wear them when I’m not working! Let me show you!” And he proceeded to reach into his pants and pull out the waistband. I couldn’t look.
The “too much information” was not that you bought underwear, sir!!
Actually this was not offensive. He was genuinely a nice/harmless wierdo. What IS offensive is when customers think that bullying me and yelling at me is gonna cause me to deviate from policy. I love entertaining the customer queue when I “match their energy.”
3. Mr Late Guy at checkout: you’re going to give me a discount.
Me: A discount? For what?
– They are damaged!
No they’re not.
– The other stores give me a discount!
I give my famous Gallic shrug. I usually try to avoid this as it’s not really good customer service. But sometimes i can’t help it
– Oh is that a discount, he says, motioning at the screen
No.
– Why not?
Not after the store is closed, I say, showing him my watch, it’s 10:07pm sir.
– Gives me his little disappointed customer foot stomp. Why no discount? He whines again as he’s putting in his credit card.
Here’s your receipt sir. Thank you.
Customer: what do you get when you cross a d*ck with a potato?
Me: I don’t think I want to know the answer to this.
– A Dic-tator!
I say nothing.
– It’s just words! Jeez!
Woman: Do you have any chargers that plug into the cigarette lighter and have 110v outlet?
Me: We should, on aisle 11
– OK, cuz my ankle monitor needs to be charged.
Me: All jobs suck. You just have to learn to cope.
Associate: oh wow thats a good way to think about it
4. Me: No, you have to take it with you today.
Appliance associate: I can’t hold the washer for them til tomorrow?
Me: No, it’s on clearance.
The guy comes back with a sprinter van. He shows me his store credits.
Me: Do you have your ID for these?
He puts his hands on his hips.
Me: I’m sorry sir.
He goes home *again* to get his ID. (How did he drive to the store without his DL??) (Store credits are locked to CDLs as an anti fraud policy)
I set expectations by telling the customer it’ll be 15-20 min to load the washer. We obtain the lift and the bally and proceed to load. At this point we have an audience of 7 associates helping or looking on. It’s a party on the front apron. In the meantime his wife is peppering me with 101 questions about the washer and her other appliances. I Google the answers and she takes pictures of my screen.
Finally they go to leave. I tap on the driver’s window and thumbs-up them questioningly. He rolls down the window. Thank you! He says. His wife says wait! She rummages in the back of the van and hands me a sun visor just like hers!
5. Customer: “I get an error when I scan these.”
Me: “It’s because they’re not in our catalog. I need a sku, I can’t sell it without a sku. (I can’t just ring in a price). Do you need this exact one or can I find you a substitute?”
Impatiently: “No I need this one. Can you just give it to me?”
Me (in my head): (??! Why does every customer think no tag / bad tag means get it for free!)
Me: “I can’t do that ma’am.”
6. Customer: Here can you ring this up. I got six.
(I see them in his pocket but I can’t tell how many there are).
Me: Can you show me the rest of them?
“What do you think, I’m trying to rip you off? I shopped here for years. I don’t need to show you nothing. There’s 6 in my pocket! Six! I can’t believe this.”
He is looking away from me. My temper flares. I look straight at him til he turns his head and meets my gaze, but only briefly. His wife stays out of it.
Me: I have to follow policy sir. They watch us on the cameras.
Hrmph he says.
I count them. “There’s 8.”
“Oh there’s 8” he says.
Wordlessly I ring up the 8 $0.41 items.
7. How to become famous: enter the store at 9:55pm, buy 25 sticks of 3 types of 16 and 20 footers, no barcodes on anything, with cull marks, then get stuck trying to exit. #ineedtolockdownsir
8. Random store phone calls:
“Is vinca the same as periwinkle and can I make tea out of it?”
(Furiously googling) Yes it’s the same but making tea, you should ask your doctor, Home Depot can’t advise you on that.
“I’m coming in.”
Ok…uh…Yes sir, do you know where the store is? “No” Its 123 Main St
“Ok see you in a minute”
“I need to stop my hose from leaking water.”
Sir –
“I NEED my hose to stop leaking water !! HOW do I do that??”
Sir –
“Oh my God!” (Hangs up)
(Interrupting me while I’m talking on the phone) “I want to keep the bucket and return the plant!”
She wants to keep the bucket and return the plant.
“No, I JUST SAID, I want to keep the plant and return the bucket!”
Yes Ma’am…
9. How to make an entrance:
Track: You Really Got Me (#VanHalen)
Volume: 11
Windows: rolled down
Method: enter associate parking garage right turn entrance as fast as possible without (excessive) skidding, blast down the aisle to the 180deg turn, past the 3 young bucks staring in their orange aprons, and screech into the parking spot. Extra points if parents snatch their young kids out of the lane as you blow by (true story).
Mood: too cool for school. Look at no one.
Shades on til you reach the break room.
Reputation: upheld
Employer: you know who
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